The ceaseless march

 

Standing atop the terrace of his humble eatery, Antonio surveys his seven years in the city that was a stranger to him on that tough first day in August . He had slept on park benches and consoled a hungry stomach till his stint as a helper in a restaurant. He had worked  night and day in his attempt to break free of a life that his mother called  ‘fate’. He knew fate was an excuse , a weapon of victimization of the poor and with hard work and perseverance, it could tilt in his favor – his rationale for abandoning and escaping from  the unpromising village. His mother had  visited his city thrice . Her eyes  had told him that she had forgiven him and was happy to see him gradually but confidently steer his life towards adequacy .

Perhaps, he would return one day ,to the familiar meadows and narrow lanes , after having created a life that was rich enough to inspire and  to be emulated.

Hope isn’t a bad thing.

 

Word count- 168

Written for flash fiction for aspiring writers, based on this week’s photo prompt . Thanks to priceless joy for hosting the challenge.

This week’s photo prompt is provided by Grant-Sud. Thank you Grand-Sud for our photo prompt!

 

 

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25 thoughts on “The ceaseless march

  1. It’s nice to read such a positive story for a change! It’s such a hard thing to break away from home and do something away from the family, and I think you’ve captured that really nicely here. I particularly like how the narrator wants to inspire others to do the same as he has, to branch out and experiment. It’s a lovely message and a lovely story 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Moving away from all you know to go to the “big city” is a serious undertaking. You do a great job of conveying why he did it, and how hard it was, but also how rewarding. Hope is a wonderful thing!

    Liked by 1 person

      • I read it again and think it’s perfectly fine the way it is, so I am struggling to come up with helpful advice!

        The one thing that occurs to me, perhaps to consider for future stories, is the adage about “show don’t tell” (although I would say, “show when you can, don’t only tell,” because telling is important too). Instead of directly explaining what the character has been through and what his goals are, try also to describe what the character is doing, seeing, saying, or thinking, to give hints that the reader can infer from. So instead of saying outright “John has a drinking problem” you might describe how he finishes the vodka bottle that morning and tosses it in the bin, where it crashes against the ones already there. Or in this story, you might have shown the visit with his mother, and described her and what she said in a way that showed where he’d come from, and how she felt. Showing takes more time/words than telling, so it’s especially hard in flash fiction; you always have more “telling” in such short pieces, but I try to sneak in a little “showing” here and there too.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Thanks so much , Joy. I really and truly appreciate your comment . Must take a lot of skill along with practise . I will try .🙂
        Also, now that I blog regularly , I appreciate the fact even more that one has to read more to write better. I am a terrible reader.🙂So , probably that has to change too.
        You are such a talented writer.I really admire your writing style novelty in your stories .
        Thanks so much for your time .🙂🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • I think you’re absolutely right: the more you read — and pay attention to what you’re reading, and think about why it works or doesn’t — the better your writing will get. It takes a lot of practice and work; I spend more time than you might think editing and revising each story before posting it, to see if I can make it a little better. Keep trying — I’m sure you will reach your goals if you stick to it!

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